The transition to college can be both nerve-wracking and exciting for parents and teens alike. Not only are teens preparing to carry heavy courseloads, but they are often preparing to live on their own and do many things by themselves that they may not have had to previously.  Having worked with many college-aged students over the years, I definitely observed some differences between those students who felt more prepared and those that didn’t.

The late adolescent time period is a time of true dichotomy. On one hand, they are largely independent from their parents, and on the other hand, they need them to help guide them through certain tasks that they have never been exposed to before.

As parents, one of the most effective ways to help them through a big transition like this is to make use of scaffolding. Scaffolding is a well-researched concept used in both the educational and psychology worlds. The basic idea is that as a parent, you are providing just enough support to where the teen can learn to challenge themselves and take their learning to the next level. Think of it as the “goldilocks” level of support. Not too much, and not too little. This requires a keen understanding of your teen’s knowledge and grasp of multiple tasks and making a plan with them to acquire the skills necessary to flourish during their freshman year.

Think about when your child was very young, and you had to teach them how to tie their shoes. At the beginning, they were a blank slate. They knew nothing. For a while, you had to do it for them; then, you provided some on-hands assistance. Then, you watched as they gradually mastered the task with less and less support. This concept can be applied to almost any task that you are hoping they will be able to tackle when they are on their own.

Some examples of tasks that some young adults need support in during the transition:

• how to use a credit card
• how to set a budget and stick to it
• how to schedule various appointments (dental, medical, therapy, car maintenance)
• how to do laundry
• how to grocery shop and prepare meals
• how to create a flexible schedule

There are many others that you might think of. Here are some tips to get the process started with your teen:

• Think of growth areas that you are concerned about. Are there tasks that they don’t know how to do at all? Or ones they have a poor understanding of?

• Start a conversation with your teen. Ask them directly what their worries are about starting college. This may just turn into a wonderful opportunity to provide validation and emotional support, but it may also turn into a useful assessment of skills they wish to acquire before living on their own.

• Make a plan with your teen to start learning the skills. Incorporate the scaffolding into the plan. The more specific and concrete you can be with your teen, the better. Try to make it a weekly commitment to work on the skills until they have mastered it. Some skills may only require a one-time demonstration. Make sure you communicate that mastery does not mean perfection; we want them to feel competent, but we do not want them to get bogged down with more anxiety if they feel like something isn’t “perfect.”

• Work with your teen to acquire a list of useful resources around campus. Having the information handy can be great when your teen is busy with their studies. Make sure they know where to find the healthcare center, the counseling center, campus security, the career center, and student advisement. If your teen requires educational accommodations, make sure you are both aware of how to find and contact the disability office.

• If your teen is especially prone to anxiety or homesickness, make plans to visit. Before sending your teen off to college, have another visit or two scheduled and on the books. It may help to also make an agreement of how often you two plan to check in over the phone. Having some contact with you scheduled can be comforting to a teen who is working on managing a lot of changes at once.

• Communicate to your teen that you believe in them, and that you will always be here for them. This one may sound obvious, but it helps to hear verbal affirmation that they are supported and loved, and that you have confidence in them that they can succeed.

Be Well,

Dr. Anna Sheedy