Avoidance is something we talk a lot about here at CFVC. It is such a natural, human instinct to avoid something that is painful, difficult, uncomfortable, or unpleasant. Sometimes, avoidance can be very adaptive; but often, avoidance activates a vicious cycle that is difficult to break free from, further driving us into an anxiety disorder.
Imagine that you are feeling anxious about attending a social event. When you think about going, you imagine how “awkward” you will feel. Will anyone try to talk to me? Will I fumble with my words? What will I do with my hands? Will anyone notice how anxious I feel? As these questions parade around in your head, you notice yourself starting to feel things in your body, like racing heart, sweating, upset stomach. You have identified that you are now “anxious” about attending this event. The more you entertain the thoughts and feelings, the more intense the anxiety gets. You then reason with yourself that avoiding this social event is the way to go; after all, you are “too anxious” about it, so staying home is a natural way to reduce the feeling of anxiety.
And it works! By making the decision to stay home, all of the unpleasant thoughts and feelings fade away. You feel relieved, and justified in your decision not to attend.
The problem with this strategy is that it only “works” in the short-term. The feeling of relief is temporary; the next time you are faced with a social situation, the same images, thoughts, and sensations will return. You will remember how avoiding it provided you with relief, so you will likely make the decision to avoid again. Avoidance is highly reinforcing because it takes away unpleasant and painful feelings; but long-term, it actually increases our level of anxiety.
To truly overcome an a anxiety disorder, we need to face the unpleasant feelings and take them with us. It is difficult, but attending the social event while feeling anxious is the way to take some control back. You can learn to do hard things while feeling unpleasant feelings, instead of avoiding doing hard things all together.
By facing our fears, we are teaching our brains and our bodies a few things:
- That we can do hard things
- That we are capable of tolerating unpleasant emotions
- That the “worst case scenario” rarely, if ever, happens. And if it DOES happen, we can cope with it!
Don’t allow Big Anxiety to dictate your behavior – you deserve to fully engage in your life and take all of the feelings with you!
Be Well,
Dr. Anna Sheedy